‘No one really wants me’ had been the theme song of my life for as long as I could remember. It made me sad, disconnected & distanced me from those I loved. My great-aunt had once mentioned that when I was 18 months old, my mother fell seriously ill and had to leave me at a child-care center for two months. Thirty years had passed before I realized how much drama I had created around this simple piece of information. I personally had no memory of it, yet I made it the reason to hate myself, to doubt my mother’s love for me and at times, lose faith in love itself. I tried therapy, meditation and even cried piteously in some self-healing courses to be free of this nagging feeling. What I experienced through all that was an emotional release. But when life challenged me with failures or hurt relationships, I found myself going back to feeling ‘no one wants me’!
It was at the spiritual intensive in O&O Academy that I saw for the first time what this feeling was doing to my life and me. First of all, life had become a ‘rush-through’ experience; I had lost the ability to enjoy life. Ambition was the prime driving force and principal escape route. Success only made me restless for more; it didn’t really make me happy. My family and friends spared no efforts to express how much they loved me, but I remained buried deep under layers of my own misery!
It struck me that no achievement of mine; no high position in life or no person’s love could possibly bail me out of this impregnable fortress of my own thinking. And most of all, being at the child-care center had absolutely nothing to do with all this. I had nurtured this thinking over decades of living in unawareness! This awareness has set me free. I am at peace with myself and can feel the love of my family. I feel so utterly convinced in the power of awareness that my vision is to now help others live free too! Life now feels like a slow walk along the seaside- tranquil and refreshing.
… A Seeker from a spiritual journey